Online Dating

Online dating tends to exacerbate a lot of the problems with dating in real life, but it also promises a lot of things it can’t deliver. It is not inherently harmful and could probably be used for one’s advantage, but we need to know its problems and how to deal with them.

Problems with Self

The first problem with online dating is that it makes you feel like you have the potential to create a persona, but the reality is that you are going to be the same person you are in real life.

(This is assuming that the users are honest, and we are not taking into account people who create fake profiles for scams and phishing.)

At best, I realized that my own dating problems in real life are carried online. If I don’t have time to date in real life, then I won’t magically have more time online. If I’m not the most popular or attractive person in real life, then I most likely won’t be the most popular or attractive person online. If I’m unhappy in real life, then I won’t find happiness online. Either online or in real life, unless I’m satisfied with my options, I would have to improve myself to open up more options.

In a relationship, an abuser in real life will continue to be an abuser online, and if you ever found yourself to be the victim of an abusive relationship in real life, you probably will become a victim online. It is the same with fraud and scam. An online fraudster is a fraudster in real life. If you have fallen victim to fraud in real life, then you probably would have fallen victim to online fraud.

Problems with Them

The second problem with online dating is that it makes you feel like you have more options than in real life, but the reality is that there will be fewer people who like you online than in real life, and it is harder to know who likes you when they are online.

Just seeing someone smiling at you in their profile picture doesn’t mean they are open to a relationship with you. They were probably smiling at their friend who was taking the picture, or they were day dreaming about their prince/princess charming. In real life, you can probably see some of them avoiding eye contact with you or acting rudely because they are not interested.

When dating online, the profile doesn’t say whether the person is going to like you or not, and if you decided you like that person, you could find out that you’re wrong after getting a rejection or getting ghosted.

Either you are fine taking it real slow, or you try to speed things up by being a bit more indiscriminate. Online dating is a numbers game.

Problems with Distance

The third problem with online dating is the distance. While online dating does connect you with people who would otherwise be out of reach in real life either because they are faraway or in a different social circle, the reality is that they disappear just as easily.

When people run into relationship issues online, the first thing they do is disappear and think that the next person they meet will be perfect. In real life, you have to sort your problems out with the person because you are going to see them again.

It is harder to disappear in real life. You would have to move, possibly find a new job, and adapt to a new routine. Ironically, disappearing in real life will most definitely make you a new person which can be advantageous, whereas disappearing online will not.

Problems with the Platform

The fourth problem with online dating is that the online dating platforms are predatory. They try to convince you that spending more money will solve your dating problems. But as we already know, online dating won’t solve problems in real life.

It is not a surprise that online dating platforms are commercial businesses for profit, and for this reason there is no app that is really “designed to be deleted.” But some platforms are more predatory than others.

Coffee Meets Bagel gives you up to 12 matches per day, but you have to buy “beans” if you want to like more people. It profits on those who want to play the numbers game. You could use beans to like someone with flowers, with bigger flowers costing more beans. In real life, the recipient might get flowers that look and smell nice, but they get nothing online.

Bumble profits on the false hopes or ego of buying “boosts” which makes you more visible among their users. This could work if you already have “mainstream appeal” in real life, but boosts won’t magically bestow mainstream appeal upon you. To most users, boosts are just yet another distraction to be ignored.

Tinder is even worse with the gimmicks they lure you into spending more money with them with tiered subscriptions and add-ons.

The run-of-the-mill dating websites on the early Internet profits more generally on loneliness. You pay for the privilege to initiate a chat and usually get radio silence. Of course you would get bored and stop paying, so once in a while they send a case worker to keep you interested. Their predatory practices are well-known.

Monthly subscription is actually against the user’s best financial interest because dating platforms would want to keep the user paying as long as they are single. The platform and the user interests could be aligned only if the platform offers a one-time payment option for a lifetime subscription.